In several opportunities, perhaps, I could define myself as a scholarship hunter. It’s not because of I work harder than any other people. But, it’s more just because of I would like to sacrifice a lot for that. One of those sacrifices is for not applying a job that has a certain contract. Because I really remember, actually the main idea to pursue my bachelor degree wasn’t a reason to get a job. That’s actually insane, but that’s really what I felt at that time. But I just realized that it’s one of bridges to get more brilliant future. For me, the ‘brilliant’ isn’t always about the position, job and the salary. Even though, I extremely know and can’t deny that several ‘happiness’ also need price tag. Especially for our sustainable livelihood.

If I really wanted to have a certain job, maybe I would apply for a job that has career ladder and ‘fantastic’ salary. But, it hasn’t been my purpose till now. I just wanna have freedom for applying scholarships. And for some people it’s gonna be funny, because obviously, my first goal to pursue the next degree isn’t for a job too. I feel alive facing the class, finding people around me, or even around the world who have good vibes. And I found it when I was in campus. I also love to study, although I’m not even a smartest college student and the most innovative one, what so ever. I just love study, and sometimes I just can’t elaborate it clearly. Even it’s absolutely clear in my mind. But I have a lot of reasons. And sometimes it’s complicated. Again, I don’t wanna limit the definition about studying. I think, studying isn’t only about facing the class, books, etc. It’s also about facing the real life and the real stories from a real people around the world.

Furthermore I can’t deny that it’s interesting to know that being lectures could be so much useful for society in their fields. And that’s what some people around me always think about me based on my ambition for reaching the scholarships. They were totally wrong. But now, based on my new perspective, it’s totally okay for having that kind of mindset, that kind of dream. As long as you can spread more good things. But what I really need to underline and to bold is for not being a usual lecture, a usual teacher. Yeah, must being some one that could bring and giving the implementation of having good mindsets and good characters. It’s not easy, because I am not Uswatun Hasanah. But at least we’re trynna be.

Anyway, I just have had a new job. I’ve been working here for about three weeks. Actually it’s not working, it’s studying. But let say it’s working to sounds more professional, hehe. It’s something that’s new for me but it’s not totally new. But I do extremely love facing this new space in my ‘room’. You know, this is, maybe, one of the things that I’ve been looking for, I’ve been wishing for, and I’ve been planning for. Because several months before getting this job, I pray to Allah, to let me go to Pare anymore after I failed the scholarships test. I do love almost everything about Pare, just like the environment to face, desire to learn, and also being independent to live. I planned to learn English and teach English there. But finally, Allah answered that praying quickly. I am accepted as an English tutor in one course in Bangkalan. As I wrote before, I got a lot of new things and sometimes it’s not totally different. As far as I feel, I really enjoy it. And actually, the most important is I can apply every kind of scholarships without feeling guilty. Because I already told one of my exceptions before I took this job. And they won’t limit me. Praise be to Allah!

In this new place, I can improve my English, enlarge my perspective to share knowledge, enrich my vocabularies and so on because we have an English area and any other programs. And also teacher will always learn, right? This’s the way I define myself as an education enthusiast. Because education itself isn’t always in formal ways. And something that’s so much important too is… I could find a lot of kind people with good vibes too, especially the members. They’re extremely enthusiast on learning English. That’s why I need to have more courage too to learn English. One of the ways to make me brave is making this NCBN content in English. Hopefully it’s going to be small step that means a lot. Aamiin.